I just had a feeling that I wanted to express myself in this white blank paper. So I grabbed a pen and a copy to begin the process.
Once I got all the essentials together, all of a sudden, my thoughts went black.
And this wasn’t the first time. It just kept happening again and again. I hated myself whenever I find myself in that very position.
Then, I would put all the things back to where they belong.
But today, I wanted to continue anyway.
I had no idea what I was gonna write but I vowed to myself that if I am gonna write about ” how I fail to write today”, I’m gonna write it whatsoever.
I filled half the page explaining all the excuses my brain had for not being able to put my thoughts into words.
Then, I put the music on. After a while, my youtube playlist played one of my current favorite songs.
And, that was it. That song hit me hard.
The Ocean of emotions finally came into the light. I found myself in a different world. World of sadness and darkness.
There were no trace of teardrops on my eyes but heart inside of me was weeping like a baby that was just born.
My heart was pounding, blood in my vein was racing and pain suddenly outweighed my numbness.
Out of all this, one thing got me so worried. There were tons of tragic moments that I experienced in my life.
I found my heart so confused i.e. which one particular event should it pick from all those events that I had gone through.
It said, “Dude, why are you putting me on this difficult position? Don’t make me quit.”
I mean, there was plenty to look for. Why wouldn’t it be that pissed?
I spent another 10 minutes figuring out what exactly that was all about. I meant the sudden change in feelings, in my emotions or mood. I couldn’t control and put all my thoughts together.
After a while, finally, it had me remember the moment where I was in so much pain and depressed in my life.
To be continued.
- Gaurab Pokharel